Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
