There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize