I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
