my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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