Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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