i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
