that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
