dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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