Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
