Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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