we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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