Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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