spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
