Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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