I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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