I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
