I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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