Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
