I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
