Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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