Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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