I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
