I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
