end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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