I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it glows. i had to have it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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