i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yo dont text me then not text me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
