The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
