That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
