So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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