and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
is it fun? or sober?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize