"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
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