I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
