can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
