and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
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My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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