your thong is hanging out like whoa
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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