Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
