This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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