oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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