What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
