We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize