sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
