Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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