i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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