Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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