There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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