I've blown a few things in my day
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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