Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
