Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
