On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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