I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
