All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
