I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
