Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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