Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
