I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
