i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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