What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
