with your own penis?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
