apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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