My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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