Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
