I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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