i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize