there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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