i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
